Mr Bond, your days are numbered...

A very Happy New Year to fellow Bond fans!

I will be trying to write more Bond-related blog posts this year after a fallow 2016, which was, as I'm sure you will remember, a very silly year indeed.

I saw a few people the other day tweeting about the longest-serving Bond actors so thought I'd use this as a tenuous hook on which to hang my first post of 2017: how many days have individual actors spent as James Bond?

The results are above, with Roger Moore unsurprisingly out in the lead on a whopping 5,118 days.

Next up is Pierce Brosnan on 4,146 days. 

Hot on his heels is Mr Daniel Craig with 4,098 days as Bond as of today, Sunday 1 January 2017. 

DC will become the second longest serving Bond on Monday 20 February 2017. Mark it in your diaries, kids.

Sean Connery, with his two stints added together, comes in fourth with 3,049 days, T-Dalt fifth on 2,863, and 'the other fella', George Lazenby on 875 days.

Notes:

• The dates I have taken are from the public announcement of an actor as Bond. Contracts will have obviously been signed before that date (Pierce Brosnan knew he was Bond a whole week before we did) and actors may have been sacked before the next one was announced, but I have used the date from which it was public knowledge that they were announced to be playing 007.
• Sean Connery's two stints were 2,530 and 519 days respectively.
• Sources: Some Kind of Hero - Matthew Field and Ajay Chowdhury; Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Alan Barnes and Marcus Ahern
• The announcements of the actors are as follows:
• Sean Connery, 3 November 1961
• George Lazenby, 7 October 1968
• Sean Connery (again), 1 March 1971
• Roger Moore, 1 August 1972
• Timothy Dalton, 6 August 1986
• Pierce Brosnan, 8 June 1994
• Daniel Craig, 14 October 2005

Bond 24 - Two Words Are Better Than One (...or Three, Four, Five or Six)

So we're just hours away from learning what the real title of Bond 24 is.

Until then, let's speculate to our heart's content and listen to outlandish suggestions, like this one from one 'caller' on Radio 4's Down The Line:

But what's in a Bond film title?

Can the name hold any clue as to how profitable it will be?

No, but let's press on regardless. Got anything better to do?

My slender point is this:

BOND FILMS WITH TWO-WORD TITLES ARE THE MOST PROFITABLE.

To arrive at this startling (and frankly pointless) conclusion, I compared all 23 films' budgets with their worldwide gross box office takings, thus working out how profitable each film was.

For example, Goldfinger's budget of $3 million and its takings of $125 million give it a profitability percentage of 4063%. Compare that with Casino Royale's budget of $150 million and its takings of almost $595 million give it a profitability percentage of 296%.

(Disclaimer: the budget-to-gross takings percentage has got progressively smaller since the 60s, so that does skew the results somewhat)

Using the table (below), I then added the percentages of films with the same number of words in their title, then divided that number by how many films there were in that group.

e.g. the four-word titles are:

• From Russia With Love (3,845%)
• You Only Live Twice (1,075%)
• Live And Let Die (1,705%)
• For Your Eyes Only (598%)

The sum total of their percentages is 7,223%, divided by four because there are four of them and, la-di-dah, the mean average is 1,806%.

So in first place were the TWO-word titles with an average profitability of 2,807%

In second place were FOUR-word titles with an average profitability of 1,806%

In third place, the ONE-word titles with an average profitability of 1,265%

And so on...

Films with FIVE-word titles had an average profitability of 736%

The one film with a SIX-word title had an average profitability of 651%

And the six films with THREE-word titles had an average profitability of 505%

So there we have it - a two word title will see Babs and Michael off the streets.

Now, is it Muff Wrangler or Muffwrangler...?

TABLE:

FILM	BUDGET ($, source IMDb)	GROSS TAKINGS ($, source IMDb)	PROFITABILITY (%)
Dr. No	1,100,000	59,600,000	5,318
From Russia With Love	2,000,000	78,900,000	3,845
Goldfinger	3,000,000	124,900,000	4,063
Thunderball	9,000,000	141,200,000	1,468
You Only Live Twice	9,500,000	111,600,000	1,075
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service	7,000,000	87,400,000	1,149
Diamonds Are Forever	7,200,000	116,000,000	1,511
Live And Let Die	7,000,000	126,377,836	1,705
The Man With The Golden Gun	13,000,000	97,600,000	651
The Spy Who Loved Me	14,000,000	185,400,000	1,224
Moonraker	34,000,000	210,308,099	519
For Your Eyes Only	28,000,000	195,300,000	598
Octopussy	27,500,000	187,500,000	582
A View To A Kill	30,000,000	152,400,000	408
The Living Daylights	30,000,000	191,200,000	537
Licence To Kill	32,000,000	156,200,000	388
Goldeneye	58,000,000	351,500,000	506
Tomorrow Never Dies	110,000,000	335,332,007	205
The World Is Not Enough	135,000,000	352,030,660	161
Die Another Day	142,000,000	431,971,116	204
Casino Royale	150,000,000	594,239,066	296
Quantum Of Solace	200,000,000	575,952,505	187
Skyfall	200,000,000 (est.)	1,108,561,013	454

Vive l’entente Bondiale!

Ou... une célébration de la contribution des acteurs français qui ont joué dans des films de James Bond

There’s always been a special deliciousness in the way French actors have delivered their lines in Bond films. Maybe it’s down to the actor, maybe it’s just the accent. Either way, they've left an indelible mark.

With the unconfirmed news that Léa Seydoux will star in Bond 24, I thought I’d look at the various contributions French actors have made to the Bond films so far.

The films’ first full-on foray into Frenchness came in 1965 with Claudine Auger as Domino Derval in Thunderball. Auger was crowned Miss France in 1958 at the age of 15 (AHEM), studied drama at the Conservatoire de Paris (as did Bérénice Marlohe - but more of her later), and gave birth to her first child aged 49. It’s a shame she was dubbed by Nikki van der Zyl, but if you want to hear her in her native tongue, here she is.

"Auger. It's pronounced 'oh-zhay'. Okay?"

The rest of the 60s and most of the 70s were a bit barren for French actors in the Bond films. That is until The Spy Who Loved Me in 1977 and Nîmes-born Vernon Dobtcheff’s turn as club owner Max Kalba (aside: how fucking annoying was the music in the Mojave Club?). He didn’t last long before Jaws bumped him off, but I’m sure someone would have done so eventually due to the club’s music policy. Vernon is still working, by the way, and celebrated his 80th birthday in August.

*VERNFACT: he played an elderly Nazi in Father Ted. Proof.

Next up is the quintessential Bond villain, Moonraker’s Hugo Drax, played by the velvety-voiced Michael Lonsdale. To the delight of the audience, Drax revels in his verbal barbs against Bond. I think he has the best one-liners of any Bond villain, among my favourites: “James Bond. You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.” Judge for yourself.

"Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him."

Given that Moonraker was mostly shot in France, it's understandable that French actors were peppered throughout the production. Corinne Cléry gives an adequate performance as Corinne Dufour but, again, Nikki van der Zyl dubbed her real voice on-screen, but you can hear her (and see her romp around on a giant hand!) here. Fellow French actor Blanche Ravalec pops up - and almost out - as Jaws’ girlfriend Dolly.

*BLANCHEFACT: she narrated the French version of Thomas the Tank Engine.

Carole Bouquet is next up, essaying the role of vengeful Melina Havelock in For Your Eyes Only. Melina shows an understated independence from her very first scene and is quite happily bumping off her parents’ assassin before she even meets Bond. In fact, I’d argue that character gets duller from the moment she meets Bond.

*CAROLEFACT: she is the luckiest person alive, in that she no longer goes out with the dick that is Gerard Depardieu.

To the mid-80s now and France is next represented by Jean Rougerie, playing detective Achilles Aubergine in A View To A Kill. He doesn’t make it past the soup course, but does display an excellent moustache.

In The Living Daylights, French native (although half-Dutch, half Georgian by parentage) Maryam D’Abo shines through as Kara Milovy in spite of a nasty raincoat. With her awkward charm, she set my pulse raising a little above average and was the reason I took up the cello for a whole week in 1988.

"You're English?"

Tcheky Karyo’s Defence Minister Dmitri Mishkin in Goldeneye in 1995 was the only main French actor to crop up in the Pierce Brosnan years UNTIL Sophie Marceau in The World Is Not Enough.

Like Carole Bouquet, she played the wronged daughter of a murdered father, but her complicity in his killing and her ability to beguile and manipulate people around her sets her on another level. Marceau is a phenomenal actor, crowned by her butter-wouldn’t-melt half-pout, her wicked laugh as Bond chases her, and her smirking pronouncement to Bond: “You wouldn’t kill me. You’d miss me.” Pure class.

WANTED: for crimes against Dame Judi

The Daniel Craig era has continued this superb run of hiring superlative French actors. Parkour genius Sébastien Foucan gets Casino Royale off to a flying start, leaping off scaffolding as Mollaka.

But while Foucan only lasts 18 minutes into the film, it’s Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd who dominates with the sheer quality of her acting, marking her out as one of the finest talents ever to appear in a Bond film. In Mark O’Connell’s excellent book Catching Bullets (available here), he sums it up better than I could:

“Green plays Vesper as a sort of Evil Under The Sun chanteuse – all 1930s gowns, hats and curls finished off with a sort of Emo-duchess poise and Roedean accent. Enabling Craig to shape his 007, Green has the finest acting chops of many a Bond squeeze with a curious mix of Maud Adams’ grace and Diana Rigg’s balls”.

"Don't look at the necklace. Seriously, don't. It'll give the whole game away"

Casino Royale represented the peak of French acting involvement of the Bond films so far. Unfortunately, Quantum of Solace's Mathieu Amalric is not as successful as Michael Lonsdale in the Bond baddie stakes; he’s creepy but unconvincing (as I stated in a previous entry) although I concede this is more to do with the poor script and direction than to Amalric himself.

And that brings us on to our final French actor, the criminally underused Bérénice Marlohe in Skyfall. As a Bond film, it's definitely one of the best, but the character of Severine is one of the drawbacks. There’s just not enough of her, although I see how the writers didn’t want anyone to intrude on the Bond-M-Silva dynamic and that’s a real shame.

"I've got to tap the ash of this cigarette or it'll go EVERYWHERE"

I hope this upward trend of quality French actors continues. So, come on Babs and Michael: more Lonsdale, Greens and Marceaus please. 

Will Léa Seydoux join their ranks?

24 Things You Really (Don't) Need To Know About James Bond And The Number 24

ON THIS day in two years' time, avoid me.

Friday 23 October 2015 is the release date of the 24th Bond film and I'll be unbearably excited.

Consider this your two-year warning.

So with exactly 24 months to go before Bond 24, I thought I'd look for any connections between James Bond and the number 24.

Thank fuck there were, frankly, although they range from credible to flimsy.

And, oh look, there are 24 of them.


24
is the number of frames per second at which motion picture film is usually projected.

The 23 official Bond films have run for a total of approximately 2896 minutes, meaning there have been around 4,170,240 Bond film frames so far.


24
is, of course, the name of the television series starring Kiefer Sutherland. 

Three actors have starred in both Bond and 24:
- Patrick Bauchau (A View To A Kill/Season 5, Episodes 7 & 8)
- John Terry (The Living Daylights/Season 2, Episodes 1-12)
- Michael Madsen (Die Another Day/Season 8, Episodes 19-23)


FLAT 24,
Carlyle Mansions, Cheyne Walk in Chelsea was where Ian Fleming lived between 1950 and 1953, during which time Casino Royale was published.


THE 24TH
word spoken in the Bond films is "the". (Doctor No)


THE 24TH
word written in the Bond novels is "soul-erosion". (Casino Royale)


24
is the number of years during which composer John Barry scored the Bond films, from 1963 to 1987.



24
is, in mathematical terms, the kissing number in 4-dimensional space, or the maximum number of unit spheres that can touch another one without overlapping (who didn't know that?).

In the 23 films thus far, Bond has kissed 64 women, an average of 2.7826087 women per film.

What a man-slag.


24
would be the Scrabble score of 'Mary Goodnight' (The Man With The Golden Gun), if you were allowed names and, er, had a spare 13 tiles.

For the record, the letter values for Mary Goodnight would add up as follows: M-A-R-Y = 3+1+1+4, G-O-O-D-N-I-G-H-T = 2+1+1+2+1+1+2+4+1.


24
is the number of points on a backgammon board. *ahem*




(I'm *really* sorry about the racism right at the end)


24
was Adele's age when she wrote, recorded and released the theme to Skyfall.


24
was bass guitarist John Taylor's age when Duran Duran released the theme to A View To A Kill.


24
is the number of letters in the classical Greek alphabet. And talking of classical Greek stuff, this bloke on the internet, David Alexander, wrote that: 

"Bond, as originally created by Fleming, exemplified the Ulysses [Odysseus] type of action hero... while capable of the most deliberate and calculated violence when called for... prefers to use cunning whenever possible, and is only brawny by default."

IN YOUR CLEVER FACES, SCHOLARS!


24

is also the number of letters in the modern Greek alphabet, and because For Your Eyes Only is the only Bond to use Greece as a location, here is the film's plot in Greek:

Το συστημα ΑΤΑC με το οποιο ελεγχεται ο στολος υποβρυχιων Polaris, βυθιζεται απο ναρκη στις ακτες της Αλβανιας, και ο Μποντ προσπαθει να προλαβει ωστε να μην πεσει στα χερια Σοβιετικων πρακτορων. Το συστημα ΑΤΑC με το οποιο ελεγχεται ο στολος υποβρυχιων Polaris, βυθιζεται απο ναρκη στις ακτες της Αλβανιας, και ο Μποντ προσπαθει να προλαβει ωστε να μην πεσει στα χερια Σοβιετικων πρακτορων.

24
is the number of carats representing 100% pure gold, an element that features in three Bond film titles: Goldfinger, The Man With The Golden Gun, Goldeneye.

ON THE 24TH

of February 2013, Shirley Bassey sang Goldfinger at the Academy Awards ceremony at Hollywood's Dolby Theatre to a standing ovation. 

And, she might not have the full range any more, but this is ENTRANCING. Shirl, you bloody beauty.

This date is also notable because Adele picked up the Oscar for best original song for Skyfall – the first time a Bond theme has ever won an Academy Award. See her perform it here.

THE 24TH

letter of the Latin alphabet is X. According to The Telegraph, Thunderball was almost given an ‘X’ rating by censors because of its raunchy shower scenes.

I don't what the fuss was about. We didn't get to see anything good.

(Still with me? Brace yourselves.)


24
is the number of the French department of Dordogne.

At least two Bond actors have filmed in Dordogne: Dame Judi Dench (M) in Chocolat and Sophie Marceau (Elektra King) in La fille de d'Artagnan.


24
is referenced as "four-and-twenty" in the nursery rhyme 'Sing A Song Of Sixpence'. The next line, 'A Pocketful Of Rye', was the title of a 1953 Agatha Christie novel featuring Miss Marple. 

When this was adapted for ITV in 2009, Paul Brooke played the role of Billingsley, a mere 28 years after appearing as Bunky in For Your Eyes Only.


24

is the atomic number of chromium. In the novel Moonraker, Bond buys a Bentley Mark IV (grey with dark blue leather upholstery). 

AND IT HAD CHROMIUM-PLATED CYLINDER BORES, GUYS.

24

is the number of tracks found on the Quantum Of Solace soundtrack.

Shame it's not very good.

1924

saw the births of several people who would play important roles in the Bond films:

- Producer Kevin McClory, best known for the long legal battle with Ian Fleming (later United Artists/MGM) over the writing credits and later the film rights to Thunderball.

- Walter Gotell, who played General Anatol Gogol in six films between 1977 and 1987.

- Lester Prendergast, who played Puss Feller in Dr. No.

- John Stone, who played Submarine Captain in You Only Live Twice.

- Peter Murton, Art Director on Goldfinger and Thunderball, and Production Designer on The Man With The Golden Gun.

- Harold Jack Bloom, Writer, You Only Live Twice.

- Francois Nadal, who worked on the Horse Team on A View To A Kill.

24
is the number of hours in a day.

And if you don't die today, you'll... die another day. Hmm.


"24
Ian Fleming Crescent" is a real address in Whitby, Ontario.

Look!

View Larger Map



BOND 24
will be the twenty-fourth official Bond film. 

An anagram of 'twenty-fourth' is 'try hot wet fun'.

Like this:

If you've got to the end, well done.

I'm off to spend the next 24 months waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

You get the idea.