Vive l’entente Bondiale!

Ou... une célébration de la contribution des acteurs français qui ont joué dans des films de James Bond

There’s always been a special deliciousness in the way French actors have delivered their lines in Bond films. Maybe it’s down to the actor, maybe it’s just the accent. Either way, they've left an indelible mark.

With the unconfirmed news that Léa Seydoux will star in Bond 24, I thought I’d look at the various contributions French actors have made to the Bond films so far.

The films’ first full-on foray into Frenchness came in 1965 with Claudine Auger as Domino Derval in Thunderball. Auger was crowned Miss France in 1958 at the age of 15 (AHEM), studied drama at the Conservatoire de Paris (as did Bérénice Marlohe - but more of her later), and gave birth to her first child aged 49. It’s a shame she was dubbed by Nikki van der Zyl, but if you want to hear her in her native tongue, here she is.

"Auger. It's pronounced 'oh-zhay'. Okay?"

The rest of the 60s and most of the 70s were a bit barren for French actors in the Bond films. That is until The Spy Who Loved Me in 1977 and Nîmes-born Vernon Dobtcheff’s turn as club owner Max Kalba (aside: how fucking annoying was the music in the Mojave Club?). He didn’t last long before Jaws bumped him off, but I’m sure someone would have done so eventually due to the club’s music policy. Vernon is still working, by the way, and celebrated his 80th birthday in August.

*VERNFACT: he played an elderly Nazi in Father Ted. Proof.

Next up is the quintessential Bond villain, Moonraker’s Hugo Drax, played by the velvety-voiced Michael Lonsdale. To the delight of the audience, Drax revels in his verbal barbs against Bond. I think he has the best one-liners of any Bond villain, among my favourites: “James Bond. You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season.” Judge for yourself.

"Look after Mr. Bond. See that some harm comes to him."

Given that Moonraker was mostly shot in France, it's understandable that French actors were peppered throughout the production. Corinne Cléry gives an adequate performance as Corinne Dufour but, again, Nikki van der Zyl dubbed her real voice on-screen, but you can hear her (and see her romp around on a giant hand!) here. Fellow French actor Blanche Ravalec pops up - and almost out - as Jaws’ girlfriend Dolly.

*BLANCHEFACT: she narrated the French version of Thomas the Tank Engine.

Carole Bouquet is next up, essaying the role of vengeful Melina Havelock in For Your Eyes Only. Melina shows an understated independence from her very first scene and is quite happily bumping off her parents’ assassin before she even meets Bond. In fact, I’d argue that character gets duller from the moment she meets Bond.

*CAROLEFACT: she is the luckiest person alive, in that she no longer goes out with the dick that is Gerard Depardieu.

To the mid-80s now and France is next represented by Jean Rougerie, playing detective Achilles Aubergine in A View To A Kill. He doesn’t make it past the soup course, but does display an excellent moustache.

In The Living Daylights, French native (although half-Dutch, half Georgian by parentage) Maryam D’Abo shines through as Kara Milovy in spite of a nasty raincoat. With her awkward charm, she set my pulse raising a little above average and was the reason I took up the cello for a whole week in 1988.

"You're English?"

Tcheky Karyo’s Defence Minister Dmitri Mishkin in Goldeneye in 1995 was the only main French actor to crop up in the Pierce Brosnan years UNTIL Sophie Marceau in The World Is Not Enough.

Like Carole Bouquet, she played the wronged daughter of a murdered father, but her complicity in his killing and her ability to beguile and manipulate people around her sets her on another level. Marceau is a phenomenal actor, crowned by her butter-wouldn’t-melt half-pout, her wicked laugh as Bond chases her, and her smirking pronouncement to Bond: “You wouldn’t kill me. You’d miss me.” Pure class.

WANTED: for crimes against Dame Judi

The Daniel Craig era has continued this superb run of hiring superlative French actors. Parkour genius Sébastien Foucan gets Casino Royale off to a flying start, leaping off scaffolding as Mollaka.

But while Foucan only lasts 18 minutes into the film, it’s Eva Green’s Vesper Lynd who dominates with the sheer quality of her acting, marking her out as one of the finest talents ever to appear in a Bond film. In Mark O’Connell’s excellent book Catching Bullets (available here), he sums it up better than I could:

“Green plays Vesper as a sort of Evil Under The Sun chanteuse – all 1930s gowns, hats and curls finished off with a sort of Emo-duchess poise and Roedean accent. Enabling Craig to shape his 007, Green has the finest acting chops of many a Bond squeeze with a curious mix of Maud Adams’ grace and Diana Rigg’s balls”.

"Don't look at the necklace. Seriously, don't. It'll give the whole game away"

Casino Royale represented the peak of French acting involvement of the Bond films so far. Unfortunately, Quantum of Solace's Mathieu Amalric is not as successful as Michael Lonsdale in the Bond baddie stakes; he’s creepy but unconvincing (as I stated in a previous entry) although I concede this is more to do with the poor script and direction than to Amalric himself.

And that brings us on to our final French actor, the criminally underused Bérénice Marlohe in Skyfall. As a Bond film, it's definitely one of the best, but the character of Severine is one of the drawbacks. There’s just not enough of her, although I see how the writers didn’t want anyone to intrude on the Bond-M-Silva dynamic and that’s a real shame.

"I've got to tap the ash of this cigarette or it'll go EVERYWHERE"

I hope this upward trend of quality French actors continues. So, come on Babs and Michael: more Lonsdale, Greens and Marceaus please. 

Will Léa Seydoux join their ranks?

24 Things You Really (Don't) Need To Know About James Bond And The Number 24

ON THIS day in two years' time, avoid me.

Friday 23 October 2015 is the release date of the 24th Bond film and I'll be unbearably excited.

Consider this your two-year warning.

So with exactly 24 months to go before Bond 24, I thought I'd look for any connections between James Bond and the number 24.

Thank fuck there were, frankly, although they range from credible to flimsy.

And, oh look, there are 24 of them.


24
is the number of frames per second at which motion picture film is usually projected.

The 23 official Bond films have run for a total of approximately 2896 minutes, meaning there have been around 4,170,240 Bond film frames so far.


24
is, of course, the name of the television series starring Kiefer Sutherland. 

Three actors have starred in both Bond and 24:
- Patrick Bauchau (A View To A Kill/Season 5, Episodes 7 & 8)
- John Terry (The Living Daylights/Season 2, Episodes 1-12)
- Michael Madsen (Die Another Day/Season 8, Episodes 19-23)


FLAT 24,
Carlyle Mansions, Cheyne Walk in Chelsea was where Ian Fleming lived between 1950 and 1953, during which time Casino Royale was published.


THE 24TH
word spoken in the Bond films is "the". (Doctor No)


THE 24TH
word written in the Bond novels is "soul-erosion". (Casino Royale)


24
is the number of years during which composer John Barry scored the Bond films, from 1963 to 1987.



24
is, in mathematical terms, the kissing number in 4-dimensional space, or the maximum number of unit spheres that can touch another one without overlapping (who didn't know that?).

In the 23 films thus far, Bond has kissed 64 women, an average of 2.7826087 women per film.

What a man-slag.


24
would be the Scrabble score of 'Mary Goodnight' (The Man With The Golden Gun), if you were allowed names and, er, had a spare 13 tiles.

For the record, the letter values for Mary Goodnight would add up as follows: M-A-R-Y = 3+1+1+4, G-O-O-D-N-I-G-H-T = 2+1+1+2+1+1+2+4+1.


24
is the number of points on a backgammon board. *ahem*




(I'm *really* sorry about the racism right at the end)


24
was Adele's age when she wrote, recorded and released the theme to Skyfall.


24
was bass guitarist John Taylor's age when Duran Duran released the theme to A View To A Kill.


24
is the number of letters in the classical Greek alphabet. And talking of classical Greek stuff, this bloke on the internet, David Alexander, wrote that: 

"Bond, as originally created by Fleming, exemplified the Ulysses [Odysseus] type of action hero... while capable of the most deliberate and calculated violence when called for... prefers to use cunning whenever possible, and is only brawny by default."

IN YOUR CLEVER FACES, SCHOLARS!


24

is also the number of letters in the modern Greek alphabet, and because For Your Eyes Only is the only Bond to use Greece as a location, here is the film's plot in Greek:

Το συστημα ΑΤΑC με το οποιο ελεγχεται ο στολος υποβρυχιων Polaris, βυθιζεται απο ναρκη στις ακτες της Αλβανιας, και ο Μποντ προσπαθει να προλαβει ωστε να μην πεσει στα χερια Σοβιετικων πρακτορων. Το συστημα ΑΤΑC με το οποιο ελεγχεται ο στολος υποβρυχιων Polaris, βυθιζεται απο ναρκη στις ακτες της Αλβανιας, και ο Μποντ προσπαθει να προλαβει ωστε να μην πεσει στα χερια Σοβιετικων πρακτορων.

24
is the number of carats representing 100% pure gold, an element that features in three Bond film titles: Goldfinger, The Man With The Golden Gun, Goldeneye.

ON THE 24TH

of February 2013, Shirley Bassey sang Goldfinger at the Academy Awards ceremony at Hollywood's Dolby Theatre to a standing ovation. 

And, she might not have the full range any more, but this is ENTRANCING. Shirl, you bloody beauty.

This date is also notable because Adele picked up the Oscar for best original song for Skyfall – the first time a Bond theme has ever won an Academy Award. See her perform it here.

THE 24TH

letter of the Latin alphabet is X. According to The Telegraph, Thunderball was almost given an ‘X’ rating by censors because of its raunchy shower scenes.

I don't what the fuss was about. We didn't get to see anything good.

(Still with me? Brace yourselves.)


24
is the number of the French department of Dordogne.

At least two Bond actors have filmed in Dordogne: Dame Judi Dench (M) in Chocolat and Sophie Marceau (Elektra King) in La fille de d'Artagnan.


24
is referenced as "four-and-twenty" in the nursery rhyme 'Sing A Song Of Sixpence'. The next line, 'A Pocketful Of Rye', was the title of a 1953 Agatha Christie novel featuring Miss Marple. 

When this was adapted for ITV in 2009, Paul Brooke played the role of Billingsley, a mere 28 years after appearing as Bunky in For Your Eyes Only.


24

is the atomic number of chromium. In the novel Moonraker, Bond buys a Bentley Mark IV (grey with dark blue leather upholstery). 

AND IT HAD CHROMIUM-PLATED CYLINDER BORES, GUYS.

24

is the number of tracks found on the Quantum Of Solace soundtrack.

Shame it's not very good.

1924

saw the births of several people who would play important roles in the Bond films:

- Producer Kevin McClory, best known for the long legal battle with Ian Fleming (later United Artists/MGM) over the writing credits and later the film rights to Thunderball.

- Walter Gotell, who played General Anatol Gogol in six films between 1977 and 1987.

- Lester Prendergast, who played Puss Feller in Dr. No.

- John Stone, who played Submarine Captain in You Only Live Twice.

- Peter Murton, Art Director on Goldfinger and Thunderball, and Production Designer on The Man With The Golden Gun.

- Harold Jack Bloom, Writer, You Only Live Twice.

- Francois Nadal, who worked on the Horse Team on A View To A Kill.

24
is the number of hours in a day.

And if you don't die today, you'll... die another day. Hmm.


"24
Ian Fleming Crescent" is a real address in Whitby, Ontario.

Look!

View Larger Map



BOND 24
will be the twenty-fourth official Bond film. 

An anagram of 'twenty-fourth' is 'try hot wet fun'.

Like this:

If you've got to the end, well done.

I'm off to spend the next 24 months waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

You get the idea.

What a Ding Dong!

A FEW thoughts on the whole Thatcher dying thing.

I was told a few years ago that "no matter what I thought of Thatcher, I HAD to respect her as a leader".

And so, on Monday, I saw the same arguments regurgitated ad nauseum on television, radio and Twitter.

I did not like her or respect her. Why should her death change that? I think she does not deserve the compassion that she single-handedly FAILED to show millions of others.

(Telling teachers you can't teach pupils about homosexuality? Are you fucking kidding?)

And the "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" fuss. I've read it described as sick, a disgrace and a stain on the charts.

It is none of these things.

It's a silly short song from a film made 84 years ago and is aimed at denigrating someone who left power 23 years ago. In terms of protest, it's hardly Emily Davison throwing herself under the king's horse, is it?

And yet, certain people have allowed themselves to get incredibly aerated by it and - while taking a break from frothing at the mouth - have told the rest of us that it *is* wrong.

It's crass certainly, but nothing worse than that.

My favourite outrage was: "What has society come to when this is allowed to happen?"... presumably the same "society" which Margaret Thatcher denied the existence of in the hallowed pages of Woman's Own in 1987.

How do we get past this?

I suggest that on Wednesday night, the nation - as one - sits down with a cup of tea, puts its feet up and decides that the best thing all round is to agree to disagree.

(Until Blair goes)

12 Years On

Kirsty MacColl

1959 - 2000

TWELVE years ago today, we lost a legend.

Kirsty's music lives on in all its glory, with the cruel irony that her last album, Tropical Brainstorm, is widely regarded as her best.

I found it impossible to pick a 'best of' or 'top 10' so I've chosen a random selection of her songs to share.

Watch, listen and remember the good times.

A New England

England 2 - Colombia 0

They Don't Know

Walking Down Madison

In These Shoes?

Miss Otis Regrets

My Affair

There's A Guy Works Down The Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis

Soho Square

Innocence

And finally, if you haven't seen the excellent BBC documentary, Kirsty - The Life And Songs of Kirsty MacColl, you can watch the full thing below. Enjoy.

"Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didn't ring I knew it wasn't you" - New England

Countdown to Skyfall: Quantum of Solace Assessed Acrostically

So just 1 day until Skyfall and it's important to remember how we got here and what came before.

Unfortunately, what came before was Quantum Of Solace. And it ain't great.

"Quit now", I thought, when the credits rolled at the end of this film.  

Bond has had an excellent 46-year run but if *this* is the direction we’re heading in, let’s just call it quits. We're all fucked. The film is one of the oddest in the entire series: jumpy, uneasy, convoluted, part-character story, part-action movie. All in all, a bit of a mess.

Uninspiring locations punctuate this film. I mean, Bolivia? Really?

And the Paleo in Siena? It looks alright I suppose, but it's no Rio carnival or Junkanoo, is it?! Long gone, it seems, when they actually planned to have exotic locations.

Arterton cannot act. She is embarrassing in this film.

Her character is so weak and does absolutely nothing to stand in Bond's way which it is HER JOB to do. And then she shags him. It's as if she's been transported from a 1970s Roger Moore Bond film. And that raincoat makes her look like a hooker. And that stupid name...

Not even 20 minutes in to this and I was lost; yes, the plot.

So all it’s going along nicely at first: furious car chase, bit o’ business with M in a sewer, rooftop chase, quick stop at The Barbican. Then, (almost) suddenly Bond is beating the shit out of some guy in a Bolivian hotel room, getting into a car with a strange woman and - what - is he supposed to kill her? Then there are some docks, the first look at our villain and then a general arrives in a speedboat. All this while Dame Judi is trying to act in front of bafflingly twatty white-on-white computer graphics. And THAT's just the first 25 or so minutes. Crazy.

The chase, fight and action sequences are almost top-notch.

In fact, I found them much better on my most recent viewing than I remember. The stand-out ones are the rooftop chase in Siena and the final fight in the hotel. The opera scene features below.

Uh-oh, someone’s been playing too many video games.

And, yes, that's you, Marc Forster. I absolutely loved Finding Neverland but QoS does not paint him in a good light. At times his direction is amateurish and his editing too abrupt. Without wishing to sound too old-gittish about it, the camera was moving about too much. No wonder this film is the shortest one of the series... if he'd have kept a few more milliseconds in every shot the damn thing would last over 3 hours.

Mathis. What a waste. I know Bond's a killer and all that jazz but poor old Rene.

Used as a human shield and dumped in a bin. With friends like that...

Olga Kurylenko is what makes this film worth watching.

Camille's back story - as tortuous as it is to follow - is at least credible and provides her with sufficient motivation to pursue General Medrano. Her performance is tough and vulnerable. And I quite like the fact that she doesn't sleep with Bond at the end. It would have been too easy.

Follow this link if you want to know about the theme tune (it’s no. 9)

Some of it I liked, in particular the way Bond and Camille's stories intertwine.

When they arrive in the desert towards the end, they are both within reaching distance of their prey. And after the big fight, I really enjoyed the car scene where they're coming to terms with their futures. Lots of dramatic pauses. Juicy stuff.

Opera is not Bond’s usual cup of tea, but the scenes at Bregenz are pure class.

Bond looks extra suave in his tuxedo and I love when he and Greene's entourage lock eyes and there's a momentary silent stand-off before the action resumes. It's a decent shoot-out too.

Looking uncomfortable, Mathieu Amalric is creepy but unconvincing as Dominic Greene.

He's a callous shit but it's hard to swallow that anyone would believe his story of being an environmental entrepreneur. Hardly a classic Bond villain, more in your Mr Big/Brad Whittaker territory.

A couple of nice nods, I noticed, to The Spy Who Loved Me in this film.

I don't know why Spy was singled out for homage, and it's not entirely unwelcome. The first is Bond's Universal Exports cover name at the docks - Robert Sterling - the same as in Spy. The second one comes at the opera in Bregenz when a henchman is hanging off a building clinging to Bond. Bond ruthlessly knocks his hand away sending him crashing down. I liked that.

Call me old-fashioned but I like my Bond title sequences to at least be legible.

And designed by Daniel Kleinman. Apparently, director Marc Forster wanted his title people of choice, MK12, for this film. And there, ladies and gentlemen, you have the perfect metaphor for this whole film: Marc Forster wanted it his way and his way was crap. I mean, really crap. Thankfully, Mr Kleinman is back for Skyfall.

Ending strongly with the Vesper storyline, Quantum Of Solace is really up and down.

After Casino Royale, the franchise needed continuity but instead Marc Forster got carried away; he tried to reboot the already-rebooted. In wanting to give Bond another shot in the arm, he instead shot him in the foot. And there he is, metaphorically limping across the screen for everyone to see while diehard Bond fans cringe with embarrassment.